多事之秋
Day 10,578. Many things have happened in such a short amount of time. Autumn looks to be a busy season.
An amusing thing, Monday 3 Oct: I learnt that 03.10.11 was etched on Ed’s pocket watch in Full Metal Alchemist.
A worrying thing, Tuesday 4 Oct: Papi had fever, got off work early and took a day off from work the next day (technically, it’s supposed to be a day off, since it’s Wednesday). As of today, his coughs make me worry to no end. Thank God he’s already better though, through prayers and medicine. Although I hope he’s not so stubborn as to refuse a check-up. In any case, I hope all my family are in good health always; even the greater family, you know. Better yet if it’s all-round health: physically, mentally and morally healthy people make for happier days, to anyone. Oh, this day’s also my lunar birthday (29th, or 30th in Chinese calculation). I had a dream (in the early morning) where I saw Lee Minho (as Gu Junpyo, or the style basically), but I’m not sure if he saw me. He’s very tall. It was raining today, and we had no internet. Are the heavens actually crying for what (would) happen on the 5th (this is of course post-event ‘wisdom’, if any)?
A saddening thing, Wednesday 5 Oct: Will forever remain as the day the universe was (further) dented by the passing of one of the greatest men I know who graced the current world and time I’m living in now. Steve Jobs will undoubtedly be remembered by many, and maybe, the phrase ‘the apple of my eye’ would constantly remind me of him now (albeit on a different meaning). Still, I’m glad that he inspired so many people and left us with so much goodness and beauty. I hope we can all gather something good out of this and become better people, people who matter, people who ‘make a dent in the universe’, people who ‘follow their hearts and intuition’. Thank you Steve. I must remember to send an email to rememberingsteve@apple.com
A coincidental thing, Thursday 6 Oct: Found out Hyun Bin’s in Jakarta. It’s like, we’re on the same city! For a moment, it made me wonder how things work.
A sobering thing, Friday 7 Oct: Of course, today brought me back to Earth, although I feel all in all I should thank my blessings. I should’ve known the time it took to do all sorts of things for visa application (and no I didn’t meet Hyun Bin – who’s supposedly still in the city at the time). But all in all, I had a great starbucks green tea latte in the morning, got a not-so-bad visa photos, finished a productive gym session, and saw a Nadal match while on the cross-trainer, had a very nice vegetarian bachang at home with delicious animal biscuits that’s an old childhood favourite. Only thing is I’m still constantly worried about health, security and all things in between and beyond.
♥: Didn’t get to practice much languages, but someone corrected my tenses on twitter and also watched an efficient 1 DVD of the Korean drama I borrowed from the KCCI. Thank God for KCCI 
그리고 그를 늘 생각해, 이름도.
絆：ちょっと心配しくて、悔しい気持ちも持ちますが、どうしようもし難いです。ただ、心を込めて祈ります。そして、皆の健康、自分の状況も、心配しきれない。本当に迷いの羊のようと考えさせられます。
神様、どうぞ宜しくお願いします。
七夕的乐谱：Love Is Fire
Today is the 7th day of the 7th month by the lunar calendar. And I wonder if daydreams are just daydreams or otherwise. 皆は恋人と幸せな一日過ごしながら、私が宅に居て白昼夢がした。それも悪くないと自分を慰めようと、考えます。まあ、この日にせめて、プレイリストはどうなるかな。
1. Put your iTunes on “shuffle”.
2. For each question, skip to the next song to get your answer. You must use the title of that song as your answer, no matter how silly it may sound.
3. Tag at least 10 friends who might enjoy doing this, as well as the person who tagged you.
4. Tag someone you think has good shit on iPod
5. Tag someone whose music you dunno about
1. What would you say if someone were to say, “Is this o.k.?”
I Can Soar – JYJ
2. What do you like in a guy / girl?
約束 – mihimaru GT
3. How do you feel today?
First Love ft David Sanborn－宇多田ヒカル
4. What is your life’s purpose?
Believe－베이비복스 리브
5. What is your motto?
Final Fantasy VII Main Theme – Nobuo Uematsu
6. What do your friends think of you?
One Man 한남자 - 김중국
7. What do you think of your parents?
우산(Feat. 윤하) - 에픽하이
8. What do you often think about?
Lalala – 100 Korean Hits
9. What is 2 + 2?
Yeah! Mecha Holiday – 松浦亜弥
10. What do you think of your best friend?
BYE BYE – 加藤ミリヤ
11. What do you think of the person you like?
一個人等咖啡 – Ken Hung (洪卓立)
12. What is your life story?
Hey Mr Big – Lee Hyori
13. What do you want to be when you grow up?
다 줄 꺼야 - 이승기
14. What comes to mind when you see the person you like?
Until You Got Love－Jon McLaughlin
15. What do your parents think of you?
Winnie the Pooh – Robert B. Sherman
16. What will you dance to at your wedding?
Season in the Sun – TUBE
17. What will they play at your funeral?
Nuvole Bianche – Ludovico Einaudi
18. What is your hobby / interest?
Open – Ken Hirai
19. What do you think of your friends?
BALAMB GARDEN – Various
20. What is the worst that could happen?
真冬の星座たちに守られて – 広末涼子
21. How will you die?
Ayyy Girl – JYJ Feat. Kanye West, Malik Yusef
22. What is the one thing you regret most?
READY STEADY GO (ken READY) – L’Arc~en~Ciel
23. What makes you laugh?
Cinderella – Soo In Young
24. What makes you cry?
Forever or Never – SHINee
25. Will you ever get married?
나타나 (Female Ver.) – Yoari
26. What scares you the most?
叙情詩 – L’Arc~en~Ciel
27. Does anyone like you?
Can’t Believe It (말도 안돼) – 윤하
28. If you could go back in time, what would you change?
파라다이스 (꽃보다남자 OST매인 테마) – T-Max
29. What hurts right now?
Love the Island – 鈴木亜美
30. What will you post this as?
Love Is Fire – KARA
iTunes meme on 10,512nd Day
1. Put your iTunes on “shuffle”.
2. For each question, skip to the next song to get your answer. You must use the title of that song as your answer, no matter how silly it may sound.
3. Tag at least 10 friends who might enjoy doing this, as well as the person who tagged you.
4. Tag someone you think has good shit on iPod
5. Tag someone whose music you dunno about
1. What would you say if someone were to say, “Is this o.k.?”
瞳の住人 – L’Arc~en~Ciel
2. What do you like in a guy / girl?
水平線 – ビーチボイズOST
3. How do you feel today?
談情說愛－張國榮
4. What is your life’s purpose?
Felt Tip Pen－The Seatbelts
5. What is your motto?
3!4! – Enjel
6. What do your friends think of you?
Hear Me Cry (Space Junkies Mix) – Cagnet
7. What do you think of your parents?
왕벌들의 비행(Piano Ver.) - 개인의 취향
8. What do you often think about?
ツヨクツヨク – mihimaruGT
9. What is 2 + 2?
ささやか願い – プロポーズ大作戦OST
10. What do you think of your best friend?
Hear me cry – Cagnet
11. What do you think of the person you like?
AS ONE – L’Arc~en~Ciel
12. What is your life story?
Hope – Jack Johnson
13. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Drink With Me – Les Miserables OST
14. What comes to mind when you see the person you like?
春までは－GLAY
15. What do your parents think of you?
僕がどんなに君を好きか君は知らない – 平井堅
16. What will you dance to at your wedding?
PEARLS – Ilaria Graziano
17. What will they play at your funeral?
恋してMucho – TUBE
18. What is your hobby / interest?
Today More Than Yesterday – 100 Korean Hits
19. What do you think of your friends?
Another Galdove – Yasunori Mitsuda
20. What is the worst that could happen?
The Rose – 平井堅
21. How will you die?
早熟 – 洪卓立
22. What is the one thing you regret most?
Lies and Truth (Hydeless version) – L’Arc~en~Ciel
23. What makes you laugh?
여행 (A Short Journey) – 슈퍼주니어
24. What makes you cry?
Poppin’ – Utada Hikaru
25. Will you ever get married?
널 사랑해 (Bang Bang Boom) – T-MAX
26. What scares you the most?
병 Illness – National Institute of the Korean Language
27. Does anyone like you?
훗 – 서녀시대
28. If you could go back in time, what would you change?
Sunday Mornings – Maroon 5
29. What hurts right now?
Kasih Tak Sampai – Padi
30. What will you post this as?
Cats On Mars (DMX Krew Remix)
Drifting
Day 10,484. Yesterday, I realised that I cannot be anyone else even if I know that being like them (rather, behaving like them) would benefit me, seeing as how these people live. I seem to think less of you everyday.
A line I saw today: 사랑은 소유 하는것이 아니라 지켜 주는 것입니다.
I couldn’t disagree more. Waiting on love doesn’t guarantee you love, more like realisation that you’re dumb and if you’re a girl, will lead you to the dumpster of spinsters. Somehow I feel like I’m talking about myself here 囧 although really I can’t say much on the subject, since me EXP on this one is insignificant. Rather than having love, I think we all just want our love validated somehow. That we’re not just fools being duped emotionally and time-wise, effort-wise etc.
People who say the line above probably think they’re some fictional drama character. You don’t have to worry in such dramas because the ending is usually a happy, politically correct win-all situation. Especially East Asian dramas.
Anyway. Starting from today I only need to slowly hand over my tasks for the social media accounts and I’d have more free time! Sigh, money makes you sell your time, really bad. Maintaining social media accounts totally drains you. I didn’t have the time to finish the manga translation and that translation for Minoz (which I haven’t opened). My left eye kept twitching, probably because I’d been staring for too long at the computer screen. I seem to always veer towards computers. First Business IT, then Fujitsu, then digital marketing…ƪ(‾ε‾“)ʃ I really want to stay away from all these radiation for as much as I can help it.
Work: Just need to fix one of the schedules, then do a FAQ and reminder email, send materials to both the new community managers. I think the girl is more capable than the guy since she’s more “alay” and she’s much more imaginative as far as I can see. Then again the guy knows this model so well maybe it balances out.
♥: after all my ramblings, I don’t know what to think. I even lost that sense of fear or dread. Perhaps it’ll come back or that I’m just like ‘whatever’ now. At least I save money. Being free means part of the best things in life, huh.
絆:両親以外の家族にとって、私の存在は、利用すべきだけと考えさせられちゃう。だから、パパとママの存在のを感謝します。でもそれはえいえんなことないに決まってる。それから、私はどうになるとかしら。考えだけで恐ろしすぎる。幸いに、今週末バスチアニ城ができるチャンスが。
Deja Vu and guilt
Day 10,469. Yesterday was the hottest day of the summer, they say. It’s also the birthday of many; my birth city, my not-so-close ex-classmate, and also Lee Minho, and actor for whose local fan club I’m translating Japanese articles/ videos for.
For some reason, that creeping feeling of Deja Vu manifests again today, and I’m really bothered by it, to the point that I avoid doing certain things for fear of the ‘consequences’. It’s as if, if anything bad happens, it’s because of me; it’s that kind of precog guilt that resides within my psyche right now. I can only wish for my loved ones to be always safe and sound.
This deja vu also happens with regard to ‘strangers’, although right now I’m not sure if it has any effects (thankfully, maybe). One of my ex-flatmates told me that Deja-vu is just an effect of a short circuitry occurring in the brain. Let’s hope so. I guess having precog stuff, even if I’m naturally curious about the future, is pretty scary.
Work: I’m counting the days to the end of the contract period (currently, 30th June), although I know it’s definitely going to get stretched a bit because the new person’s only coming in early July. It’s not that the workload is overly heavy, but because it feels like I’m constantly obliged to monitor the work I’m doing and it’s taking up my time. Actually, I’m just lazy I guess. But maybe it’s also because I felt that the time could be better spent on other activities, really. If it’s translation stuff, I’m glad to do it because I enjoy doing it, even pro bono. I’m going to be helping to translate a new Shoujo manga, ‘Ojousama ha Oyomesama’ (My Lady, The Bride…something like that)…I guess it’s about time so I can improve my Japanese.
♥: Another quote I read today by chance was about how sometimes all you need for change is one more good idea to open a new door. Hmm, is this referring to the e-idea contest? I must get the brainstorming done by this week, deadline’s 3rd of July for goodness’ sake. I’ve been behind in doing the guidebook because of so many other things, need to get going on that again! Must finish the draft this week no matter what.
きずな：自分がもっとも気になる人たち、よく傷つけちゃう私。正直に、皆が幸せで楽しい日々を過ごすように願ってるのに、なんとか私がいつもいやな雰囲気を周囲に与えちゃう。父親の姿を見ながら、彼はどんなに重い荷物を背負っても文句一つのないくらいわがままの自分を楽しくしようの行動が、眩しすぎで、心を刺すほど。不器用の自分を観させられ、毎日、ただ今のことや未来のこと等心配しきれない。母親も、きっと、私の故に傷つけちゃう。時々まじ、自分が生まれなかったらよかったかも考えされる。だから神様、私は何ともなく何もできることがなくても、せめて家族を守って下さい。
Voiceless Message
It’s day 10,467, and yesterday I set aside a task to translate an article in favour of reading comics -_-;
Well, initially I’d considered a few options but 縁起を担ぐ私は黙った方がいいと思います。I had a weird dream too this morning about very vehemently objecting to earning money through opportunistic means (I think this might be because of my concern with payment fees the past few days) And in another dream sequence I was also accused of paying less by Qiwei and I got really angry. Turned out we were both wrong. I did pay the right amount, but I did so in Ringgit instead of Sing dollars. It was for a noodle in a food court. I dreamt we’re leaving London, and we’re in this part of Westminster supposedly but where Harrods was part of it; the building was yellowish and was supposed to be Westminster Abbey, with a clock outside. And before we left we got reminded of Yuchun and had wanted to take a picture.
Anyway, I’ve got my work cut out for me today, decided I wouldn’t have time for gym and would go on the 22nd instead. Afternoon: Discussion with Company N for my payments and handover session.
Afternoon: Time for me to do the presents, both for the poem and chocolate rain. I decided to use Baci wrappers but not sure how I’m going to execute this. Ah, and the translation. So many things to do!
Evening: Some exercise, doing the presents! I have to complete them in time to send by 22nd! And then, doing the packaging design that I owe Papi. Gotta do it well!
An Alchemist (?) Moment
It’s day 10,466. On day 10,465, I started reading old manga again, among them City Hunter (it’s actually pretty good, like a Hong Kong movie). Alexa has been bugging me to watch the drama, though I haven’t got the time (I want to catch up on RM first). I finished all the Doraemon chapters they’ve got up online (a mere 94-ish) I also caught up on Billy Bat, One Piece, my current favourite mangas. I do tend to read more shonen manga than shoujo ones. The other day, in a bid to improve my Japanese, I picked up Tora & Ookami, given to me by a family friend from Japan. It looked interesting, but right now I’m not sure if I want to spend money buying further volumes.
Anyway.
Work: I haven’t received the payment for my translations when I checked at the gym so was a bit upset. Sent them a letter yesterday and today they replied that they’ve done the transaction. Yay! Sometimes you need to fight for your rights I guess. Today, the finance person from my friend’s company also contacted me to come to their office to draft a contract so they can pay me properly. Thank God, at least I’m getting some funds in the bank now. Today, finished re-editing the package designs, now off to designing the one for SANY.
♥: Went to the gym yesterday and my muscles are still aching till today. Guess it’s been a while since I went. Today I sort of received a series of guidance from various sources: an app (?), a famous personality, a friend. All for different things, and it mayn’t be consequential. Or it may be. Usually this is the part where I say, oh, I know where this is going. But uh, there I said it. Nevertheless I should do what’s good for me. This is a little like the two-stone thing in The Alchemist. Just maybe. Uhm well tomorrow I shall drop by the gym again before going to the office so Bintang doesn’t have to go back and forth and waste petrol. Oh right tooday I also need to start working on that other present. >.<
きずな：今日、パパは「もうそんなにしなよ、いいから、家族だから緩せば？」って。でも私はなんとか、「だてもう疲れたっよ、私だって何もできないし」って言った。もちろん実は、私が言いたいことなんてない。でも、やっぱり私は感情表現苦手だ。いつもいつも、違うことばかり言ってしまう。神様、パパ、ママ、ごめんね、こんなに面倒させるばかりの自分が。私だって皆幸せになるようにずっと祈っています。
faith is delusion before it becomes vindicated.
Day 10,463, and a mosquito found me (I seem to just draw such things to me). Yesterday, there was the Full Moon Eclipse, and during the evening, I sent you a message through my non-twitter accounts.
Work: Speaking of twitter, I made a gaffe. Someone asked if we’re going to do another roadshow to Jogjakarta (since I put up the Bandung photos). I replied yes we already went, only to realise that the town was Surabaya, not Jogja. Said user corrected me and I stand corrected indeed. And all the time the computer’s like in slow motion mode just when you need it to be fast. I guess this resembles my life somewhat.
♥ : A line spoken by Tamara Blezinski in a sinetron called “Jangan lari lagi…Diana”:
“Biasanya kalau dapetnya susah, berarti jodohnya panjang”
It sort of made me ask if that’s really true, or is it just a delusion technique for people to console themselves when it seems hard to find the one and live happily ever after.
Even if that may be true, if you finally did ‘get’ your soulmate after much trials, what about the time lost? There’s another Chinese saying,
“夕阳无线好，只是在黄昏”
Meaning the sunset is infinitely good, but alas it’s already evening. A case of too little too late, even if it’s a good thing.
Faith, before the goal or dream is realised, is, after all, still a state of delusion. A delusion that we often need to keep ourselves going. If we make it, yes, that ‘faith’ is vindicated. If we don’t, then we simply was delusional. Isn’t it?
I’m turning more and more jaded by the day.
And during my (somewhat long) nap I even dreamt of public figures who’re seemingly happy confiding in me that they’re not. What does this imply, that there can’t be real happiness? But what is real happiness? Li Kui Ming said the mundane is real happiness. Maybe then, I’m already happy, it’s just that the world glorifies the spectacular. But even the mundane means a lot of things, things that I don’t identify with as being part of my life included.
絆: なんか、私がいなくてもいい感じた。もしそうだったら最もいいかも。だって、皆も安定し、普通に付き合ってるし、消費も減るし。私もこんなに焦るって憂鬱も不用だし。でもでも、もしいつか、生きてよかったと思わせられる日々があるなら、こんな日々がどう考えになろう。でも、これも予想にしかいない。ただいま。
Another day, and some plans
Day 10,462 nao. Apparently there’s a full moon tonight. On day 10,461, I heard that voice first thing in the wee hours of the morning.
Work: Finished packaging designs for some of our medicines, so happy! Even if I had to put off my other work and guidebook. Ate the last M&S Popcorn packs and some dark chocolate drops from Leonidas. Endorphin fix for the night of working!
Oh, DepKes visited our place today and Papi was saying tax on the second car, i.e. Honda, has risen from 4 million to 6 million Rupiah. Crazy!
Ok, next, gotta design more stuff for other products and packaging materials. Also I need to get working on my guidebook! Alas I can’t finish it as soon as I’d wanted it but I aim for it to be the best work I can do.
Friends: Had a somewhat long-ish chat with my friend Alexa (interrupted by a session of Jilian Michaels) about going home for good, travelling, time, age and soulmates. Why and when will our turn come, I wonder. She’s planning to get her palm reading in Covent Garden ^ ^
As usual we also talked about Korean celebs. It began with Alexa’s dream whereby Odie’s having her birthday bash and Alexa was telling Odie not to keep the guests waiting, especially me and my sis, who’d come all the way from Uganda (yes, go figure) First Class, to come to the bash. And Odie was saying, didn’t you know they went Uganda? They didn’t tell you cuz they didn’t want you to get jealous because they attended SJ’s mega concert. And Alexa’s like, SJ? Odie (who’s oblivious to Kpop in real life): “Super Junior, d’oh!” And the dream ends with me, my sis, Alexa talking non-stop about Suju and boring Odie to bits. Of course in real life neither me nor my sis is a fan of SuJu, let alone dare to go to Uganda to attend their concert (which in the first place is unlikely to ever happen).
Then we talked about how we want to live overseas for a while, if only time permits, because we can’t afford to waste time at our age. Although my reply to her is that we’re as young as we permit ourselves to be, she gave me an equally logical reply: others may not permit that, though.
And I was saying, I probably have to loiter around in cafes, writing books or blogs while ordering a Hazelnut Hot Chocolate, Vanilla Rooibos Tea Latte, Hazelnut Latte, all my faves…while waiting to get picked up or something, by nerds said Alexa. Oh wait, does that mean Starbucks will be the cafe of choice? I remember the Elephant House or something in Edinburgh, a cute homely cafe where J.K. Rowling wrote her Harry Potter books.
And she also asked, why does she love travelling so much. My answer is that because she’s blessed. Travelling needs time, money, effort and the willingness to enjoy the journey. During our conversation I noticed that Seoul is like an Asian version of Lisboa, though more commercialised. I hope that I can visit either Korea or Japan at least once every year, to have a shot at chances, miracles, destiny, or the feeling or hope of it, amidst relatively mundane days in Jakarta (because most of my close friends aren’t here). I’m glad to have my family around me though, even if friction is inevitable living under the same roof (and with the personalities here).
♥: In a bit to catch up on my Korean, I continued to start watching 강심장 from where I last left off. And I watched to a point where Hyeoyeon from SNSD was talking about her one-sided love, and all the other girls from idol groups agree that it’s hard not to have huge crushes when you meet gorgeous guys literally everyday. But alas, since most of them can’t go out together in public, most times they either imagine their love stories or cut it short before it hurts further. If this is the case for idols, what about actors, I wonder. My sis has always said that actors can’t be trusted, since they ‘fall in love’ onscreen with so many different people. Unless they’re robots, I don’t think it’s impossible that they don’t have feelings for their acting partners.
And during my chat with Alexa, we even speculated that the charms from the Japanese temples might even have something to do with our current (single) statuses. She was pushing me on, and I was like, the One(s) above don’t seem to be worried. After all, for them, they can take their own sweet time, no? And alas, time, for us, is elusive; we only have so much, and we can only do so little within every present moment.
It’s precious, definitely, but even knowing so, we’re told not to rush things too. It’s no wonder we human beings get so confused. But perhaps tonight, I’ll dream of my imaginary, one-sided love too.
