Deja Vu and guilt
Day 10,469. Yesterday was the hottest day of the summer, they say. It’s also the birthday of many; my birth city, my not-so-close ex-classmate, and also Lee Minho, and actor for whose local fan club I’m translating Japanese articles/ videos for.
For some reason, that creeping feeling of Deja Vu manifests again today, and I’m really bothered by it, to the point that I avoid doing certain things for fear of the ‘consequences’. It’s as if, if anything bad happens, it’s because of me; it’s that kind of precog guilt that resides within my psyche right now. I can only wish for my loved ones to be always safe and sound.
This deja vu also happens with regard to ‘strangers’, although right now I’m not sure if it has any effects (thankfully, maybe). One of my ex-flatmates told me that Deja-vu is just an effect of a short circuitry occurring in the brain. Let’s hope so. I guess having precog stuff, even if I’m naturally curious about the future, is pretty scary.
Work: I’m counting the days to the end of the contract period (currently, 30th June), although I know it’s definitely going to get stretched a bit because the new person’s only coming in early July. It’s not that the workload is overly heavy, but because it feels like I’m constantly obliged to monitor the work I’m doing and it’s taking up my time. Actually, I’m just lazy I guess. But maybe it’s also because I felt that the time could be better spent on other activities, really. If it’s translation stuff, I’m glad to do it because I enjoy doing it, even pro bono. I’m going to be helping to translate a new Shoujo manga, ‘Ojousama ha Oyomesama’ (My Lady, The Bride…something like that)…I guess it’s about time so I can improve my Japanese.
♥: Another quote I read today by chance was about how sometimes all you need for change is one more good idea to open a new door. Hmm, is this referring to the e-idea contest? I must get the brainstorming done by this week, deadline’s 3rd of July for goodness’ sake. I’ve been behind in doing the guidebook because of so many other things, need to get going on that again! Must finish the draft this week no matter what.
きずな：自分がもっとも気になる人たち、よく傷つけちゃう私。正直に、皆が幸せで楽しい日々を過ごすように願ってるのに、なんとか私がいつもいやな雰囲気を周囲に与えちゃう。父親の姿を見ながら、彼はどんなに重い荷物を背負っても文句一つのないくらいわがままの自分を楽しくしようの行動が、眩しすぎで、心を刺すほど。不器用の自分を観させられ、毎日、ただ今のことや未来のこと等心配しきれない。母親も、きっと、私の故に傷つけちゃう。時々まじ、自分が生まれなかったらよかったかも考えされる。だから神様、私は何ともなく何もできることがなくても、せめて家族を守って下さい。
